Rating: 3.75 stars
I discovered Eminem’s most recent song thanks to a fellow fan from my French Eminem forum. In fact, this is a radio edit of Marshall’s exclusive song.
You all know how much I am into Eminem and I’d like to share my feelings and impressions with my readers straight away.
While listening to the lyrics of the song, sadness overwhelmed my soul and I kept asking myself: « What is wrong with you, Marshall Mathers? Is it so hard for you to say good bye to your fans or is there something else you want to tell us all? »
The song is gently introduced by light bell sounds and followed by numerous violins which make the listener feel how much the pain is deep and how much Marshall speaks from his heart.
Marshall’s mind is troubled right now and his most recent song made me feel sad and uncomfortable. Yes, he let his emotions out of his chest. Moreover, he made his public feel there was something wrong with him.
For the first time, Eminem has a broken voice on a track which reflects his broken heart. What is happening to Marshall right now? I think I have an answer for my readers.
Marshall feels like it is time the curtain of his public show closed for good. Not that he doesn’t love his fans, but Marshall re-questions his choices and priorities.
Eminem recalls all the good times and the drama that happened in his love life.
As the good family man he is, Marshall is very conscious that he sometimes makes his daughter suffer through his absence. His lack of time and Kim’s whereabouts sometimes make Hailie’s life a real nightmare. When the little girl is looking for her parents, she is unable to find any of them. People who have followed Kim’s story know that she went AWOL, spent some time in rehab and in jail because of her cocaine addiction problems. Hailie was left with no answer during her absence. Her loving dad, her emotional support was always on the move, whether he was touring or promoting his album.
The refrain is like tears falling from Eminem’s heart. Marshall is conscious of his daughter’s pain and it literally breaks his heart:
« …And when I’m gone, just carry on… don’t mourn.
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice,
Just know that I’m looking down on you smiling,
And I ain’t gon’ feel a thing, So baby don’t feel no pain.
Just smile back…
His fans ought to know that deep inside of him, Marshall lives a real drama. He is heartbroken, inconsolable, helpless.
His daughter, the sunlight in his life, doesn’t want him to go on touring. Eminem’s insecurities and feelings of guiltiness follow him into his dreams and turn into a nightmare:
« I keep having this dream, I’m pushing Hailie on the swings
She keeps screaming, she don’t want me to sing.
You’re making mommy cry. Why ? Why is mommy crying,
Baby, daddy ain’t leaving no more – daddy you’re lying.
You always say that, You always say this is the last time,
But you ain’t leaving no more, Daddy you are mine.
She’s piling boxes in front of the door trying to block it
Daddy please, daddy don’t leave, daddy, no stop it. »
Back to reality, the inside drama goes on. Hailie pulls a little picture for her dad out of her pocket. While being on stage, the pain increases with intensity. Marshall can hear the voice of his conscience telling him:
“You have got one more chance to do right, and it’s tonight
Now go out there and show that you love them before it’s too late.”
And just as I go to walk out my bedroom door
It’s turns to a stage, they’re gone and this spotlight is on
And I’m singing… »
On stage, the crowd acclaims Marshall in a very loud scream.
While the fans are throwing roses at his feet, Marshall can hear the voice of his daughter telling him:
“Daddy it’s me, help mommy her wrists are bleeding!”
But baby we’re in Sweden, how did you get to Sweden ?
I followed you daddy, you told me that you weren’t leaving.
You lied to me dad, and now you make mommy sad
And I bought you this coin, it says “Number One Dad”.
Eminem makes some reference to the drama that happened in 2001. Kim made a suicide attempt, trying to slit her wrists. Maybe the fear of another drama is still present. The past backfires hard into Marshall’s head and pumps loud like heartbeats.
Hailie’s voice is there, once again, in form of reproaches:
– It’s too late dad, you made the choice
Now go up there and show them that you love them more than us.
That’s what they want, they want you Marshall, they keep screaming your name
It’s no wonder you can’t go to sleep… Just take another pill…
Yea, I bet you you will. You rap about it… Yea, Word, Keep it real. »
Hailie feels like his dad loves his fans more than his own family. Marshall feels like his mind is split between his love for his family, his passion for the music and the feeling of owing his shows to his fans. He also makes some clear references to his sleep medication addiction.
Eminem is a brilliant performer who is loved for what he does. I will never forget when I first saw him on stage in 2003 at the Paris Bercy show and I’d like him to know that this unforgettable event is one of the most beautiful moments he offered me through his music and great performance. I will keep the magic of his show in my heart as long as I live.
I am asking myself if Eminem is feeling guilty of being absent so often or if he also puts a burden of guilt on his fans shoulders. Eminem ought to know that true fans will always be very understanding towards his situation and the way he feels.
It seems very clear that Eminem’s heart is bleeding right now. The fans need to understand that Marshall is tired, that he has some issues to solve and that he really needs to take a break.
Marshall has visions of nightmares into his mind while the curtain closes and he says goodbye to the crowd:
« I hear applause, all this time I couldn’t see
How could it be, That the curtain is closing on me.
I turn around, find a gun on the ground
Put it to my brain and scream “Die Shady!” and PUMP IT.
[…]My life flashes, the plane what I was supposed to be on crashes and burns to ashes… »
He suddenly wakes up from his horrible nightmare when he’s back home:
« That’s when I wake up, A long hot spring and there’s birds singing
It’s brilliant, Hailie’s outside swinging, I walk up to Kim and kiss her.
Tell her I miss her, Hailie just smiles and winks at her little sister.
Almost as if to say… »
Marshall, you filled my eyes with tears with your brand new song. I feel that too many problems are unsolved and do hurt inside of your family. Take the time needed to heal your heart. We love to see you performing, but your loyal fans don’t want you to pay the highest price just to please our eyes and ears.
Eminem is telling us that he is not only physically exhausted, but also mentally. Let him close the curtain if he feels it is time to do so. A little girl has been deprived of her father for numerous years. Life is precious and Marshall needs to spend some time with his beloved ones.
Touching but very sad song that allowed us to penetrate into Marshall’s bleeding heart and gave us some insight about how he really feels right now.
Copyright©2005 by Isabelle Esling
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